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My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
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