Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Follow TFLN on Twitter
Favorite
