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His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
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