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i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
handjob tips. give me some.
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